Let me recommend a foolproof technique to improve the most important relationship in your life.  You choose the relation­ship: your spouse, son, daughter, parents, friend or business associate.  Make a written list of the things you want most from him or her.  The list can contain as many items as you like.  Just be sure each item is specific enough for him or her to understand clearly.  Put this book aside while you make the list and continue reading when you finish.

Review the list carefully.  Is it complete and specific?  Check it at least twice.  Put a star next to the three items that, in your opinion, are most vital for improving the relationship.  Memorize those three items, and throw the list in the garbage.  Do not show it to the person that you selected as the most important relationship in your life.  The three items you starred are the three things you most need to give to that person.  That is how you must be in the relationship.  If you want support, be supportive.  If you want excitement, be exciting.  If you want tenderness, be tender.  Love is giving what we want most to receive.

Attempting to change your partner creates a dragon because your partner probably will try to change you too.  When I performed this exercise for myself, I chose the relationship with my wife as the most important in my life.  The three items I starred were:

(1) I want her to listen and understand what I really say,
(2) I want her to share my favorite activities with me, and
(3) I want her to accept me as I am since I do the best that I can.

I was amazed when I reversed these three items and realized how infrequently I listen to my wife, how few of her favorite activities I share, and how seldom I give her compassion and acceptance.  My willingness to give these things to her has improved our relationship immensely.  On both sides! It demonstrates again that change is a door that can only be opened from the inside.  I can only change me, and only you can change you.